Sometimes You Just Have To Listen

1 Kings 18, 19; Acts 9, 12

The title that first came to mind was "Sometimes You Just Have Nothing To Say", and certainly feel that way deep inside. So often you who read my meditations know I often enough just ramble. All to often I read my posts when they come out and am embarrassed by the misspelled words and the sentences that evoke the "What in the world is he saying?" reflection on my writing. Yes, I took English class (meaning American English - yeah, don't let that play in your mind to long) in high school, and in college. However, as I write out my meditations I try to convey for myself to myself what God wants me to know for my time, for my day.

When I first started college I was full of pride and artogance and I didn't quite grasp the fact that they were there. Oh the hubris of youth in so many ways! One doesn't think of themselves that way at the time, just a reflection makes me realize how much God has had to work on me over all these years. You step in a snare of the devil, well, probably not. The devil knows your flesh is always with you and it is always at enmity against the Spirit so why does he even care. Yes, he walks about as a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour, but if he doesn't have to do the work, yeah, let that kid's flesh fight the Spirit, AND it does. Mine sure did. I fell in so many ways,,, HARD. And it is often in areas where you think, No... Big... Deal... I've got this. And the Spirit wants you to know... NO YOU DON'T!!! And then for more than a year and a half I felt like there was nothing to change the depression of guilt.

It is easy to say great thoughts like "Take your burden to the cross and leave it there". So many times when we read the Scriptures a truth of how we view what we read is little concept of time and distance. After the great victory of God showing whom He is to Israel when Elijah faced off against the prophets of Baal on Mount Carmel and the people responding with one voice saying, "The Lord, He is The God, the Lord, He is The God". After that Elijah slew the 450 prophets of Baal and after which the Lord sent rain. Then Jezebel finds out what happened and sends word to Elijah that he is going to become as the prophets of Baal are now - DEAD. Elijah runs away to Mount Horeb, the mountain of God. Is he depressed? Most certainly! But remember, God had just proved Himself mightily that He is God in an unimaginable way. Elijah made it hard. He had four barrels of water poured over the sacrifice, the wood, the stone altar, and filling the small trench dug around the altar, THREE TIMES. God's great proof was sending fire down to that sacrifice, that wood, altar, and that water and left nothing but a scorched patch of earth surrounded by a very dry trench. God proved Himself not only to the people, but to Elijah in answer to his prayer. Furthermore Elijah had prayed for God to stop the rain for three and a half years before and it was quite dry in the first place, but after God answer with fire, in answer to Elijah's prayer God sent abundant rain. And Elijah out ran king Ahab 40 miles back to the castle. But Jezebel was fearsome to Elijah and he, forgetting all God had done, he ran away. But the detail that is often overlooked, or even if it isn't ignored the idea is still lost to the mind. An angel baked him food and Elijah went to Mount Horeb in the strength of that food FORTY DAYS. At least forty days and Elijah went away to hide, depressed, shaken. A lot of counselors today may have pointed out that "he wasn't trusting God the way he should". Don't forget Elijah had spent that three and a half years being supplied by God, fed by ravens until the brook dried up, then to the widows house where God miraculously supplied further for the duration of that time. Counselors, these things happen . There is no quick fix when God is working. Those we consider to be great servants of God can and often do experience great lengths of time feeling failure and doubt.

Saul, later known as Paul met the Lord in an unheard of way just outside Damascus. His record says he then spent three years in the Arabian desert (yeah, Elijah, you weren't the only one) being taught by Jesus Christ himself. After those three years he returned to Damascus preaching Jesus as the Christ. When his life was threatened he escaped over the wall and went back the 200 miles to Jerusalem. Barnabas took him in, even brought him to the apostles. Another big uproar took place as he preached Jesus being Christ indeed amongst the Jews in Jerusalem. Things went downhill fast. Jesus had commissioned him to preach to the Gentiles in Damascus. Preaching to the Jews wasn't going over so well. The very apostles told him, GO BACK HOME, SAUL. And so he did. He went back to Tarsus and wasn't heard from again for nearly ten years. We're not told his mindset during those ten years, but God used Barnabas to go from Antioch of Syria to go into Clicia to Tarsus to bring him back to teach in the Gentile assembly in Antioch of Syria. It wasn't that God had forgotten him, but He just wasn't ready for him until then. My year and a half doesn't seem so long.

But during my time I was confused, depressed, uncertain of my life as a believing young man. But one thing I determined was that I would read the Word of God daily. My thought was that the Word of God is the sword of the Spirit. If He is going to do any work in me I need to give Him what He needs to work. If I got anything or not out of reading the Scriptures on any given day (sometimes weeks it seemed like) God was going to have a sharp sword to work with in my life. Sometimes you just have to wait... And listen.

And then one day the depression was just gone. God had worked in my life to actually have the strength I "felt" I had the years before, but the Lord had to show me my confidence back then wasn't in Him, but myself. My next major such testing and life shattering wouldn't come for another twelve years at which time my entire direction of life, everything I thought God was leading me to do was taken away. At that time I was married and had four children and the whole purpose and direction of life was taken away. But that's another life story and, well, it isn't over.

How much even today I can resonate in feeling with those disciples walking to Emmaus after the crucifixion as they listened, and heard the words they needed to hear.

Then (Jesus) said unto them, O fools and slow of heart to believe all that the Prophets have spoken!

Luke 24:25 GNV

And in listening to Jesus and finally realized it was Him they were force to say,

And they said between themselves, Did not our hearts burn within us, while he talked with us by the way, and when he opened to us the Scriptures?

Luke 24:32 GNV

Yes, sometimes we just need to listen... And let our hearts burn within us.