Now What Am I Supposed To Do - Forward Into The Unknown

Mark 10

[32] And they were in the way going up to Jerusalem, and Jesus went before them and they were troubled, and as they followed, they were afraid, and Jesus took the twelve again, and began to tell them what things should come unto him,

Mark 10:32 GNV

It would seem that when I post my thoughts that much like a sermon or even any speech that sometimes there's no room for "To Be Continued without saying"To Be Continued ". It is anticipated that I will draw a conclusion at that time. However, with meditating thoughts are not complete in one way or another for different reasons. Indeed in my last post did seem to end on an empty down note. And so I imagine what may have been going through the disciples thoughts as they were hearing, but not understanding what Jesus was telling them as they headed to Jerusalem. They had one anticipation, but Jesus was telling them of a very different anticipation that He had, a reality they wouldn't understand for sometime.

There are times of danger and there is fear and uncertainty for what's ahead in your life. Like the disciples as they approached Jerusalem with Jesus, it is interesting that Jesus didn't tell them not to worry, or as He said at times, be not afraid. But what He did tell them, the truth of what would happen within the week ahead. No, they didn't grasp what exactly Jesus was telling them. It was like it just went over their head. They were thinking beyond (for themselves) and that Jesus would shortly be king on this earth in Jerusalem. Even over a month later in Acts 1 they are still asking if Jesus was going to establish His kingdom now. They just didn't comprehend what had happened.

And such was I as my wife was dying and after she died, I didn't focus on what was ahead for me. I was more concerned for my children, but even in that I wasn't to sure. About all I can remember was that she was dying and I wanted her to suffer no more. Other of my children were there than I mentioned in a previous post, but only so many were allowed in the room at a time. When she passed those there also came to the room.

Later that night I had my first dose of her being gone. A local church had opened up their mission house for us to stay in while there (we were four hours away from home). My sister in law and my children who were there were spending time together talking. I could hear them as they shared memories, good memories they could laugh over. And that sparked a memory I wanted to share, but my wife was not there to share it with her, to tell her. With that realization began the conscious part of me asking about what was ahead.

Though it is four years later nearly everyday through this past May I had memories of that May when that she was in the hospital until she passed. There was one very valuable friend my wife had from her college years who told me then, "Run to Jesus". Shortly after my wife passed I began to read more Scripture and to write my meditations. Those early ones are now lost to a text message grave yard somewhere, but two years ago I began this substack meditation journal. In running to Jesus it was because God is faithful. He is present. And He was working in ways that I couldn't understand anymore then the disciples as they walked with Jesus up to Jerusalem. Yet that wasn't the only part of my life in which I was asking of the Lord to know what He wanted me to do. As my health improved I realized that God wasn't giving me my health back for me to do as I would. No, I began praying very earnestly that God would show me what He gave me my improving health to do for Him.

No Answer. It has been four long years and no answer, at least not of the type of answer I anticipated.

Over the last several months recently other authors have shared thoughts on the will of God here on substack, and those were very much appreciated. Looking back a month or so I too had started writing a line of thought on the will of God, even at one point looking at how the Holy Spirit was speaking through others to Paul, yet at the same time the apostle Paul had his own directive from the Holy Spirit. But it seems there was more God wanted me to understand. When I had started writing this a couple months ago it began as part of my meditation and so there has much been going through my mind since then. Like what Moses told the children of Israel as they were right across the Jordan River ready to enter the land of God's promise.

[12] And now, Israel, what doth the Lord thy God require of thee, but to fear the Lord thy God, to walk in all his ways, and to love him, and to serve the Lord thy God, with all thine heart, and with all thy soul?

Deuteronomy 10:12 GNV

Also is seen in the days of Jotham, Ahaz, and Hezekiah there was the prophet God used to tell where the Christ would be born (Micah 5:2) he reminds us again,

[8] He hath shewed thee, O man, what is good, and what the Lord requireth of thee: surely to do justly, and to love mercy, and to humble thy self, to walk with thy God.

Micah 6:8 GNV

Wait! Is that it? Is that all? What about my life's work you have for me Lord? Am I missing something? Looking back to those who thought they were doing the work they believed the Lord had given them, those of being Pharisees, Jesus had this to say,

[2] Saying, The Scribes and the Pharisees sit in Moses seat. [3] All therefore whatsoever they bid you observe, that observe and do: but after their works do not: for they say, and do not.

[23] Woe be to you, Scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites: for ye tithe mint, and anise, and cummin, and leave the weightier matters of the law, as judgment, and mercy and fidelity. These ought ye to have done, and not to have left the other.

Matthew 23:2-3, 23 GNV

Weightier matters of the law? Justice! Mercy! Faithfulness! Jesus had told the Pharisees earlier:

[13] But go ye and learn what this is, I will have mercy, and not sacrifice: for I am not come to call the righteous, but the sinners to repentance.

Matthew 9:13 GNV

Hosea had said also in the days of Uzziah, Jotham, Ahaz, and Hezekiah,

[6] For I desired mercy, and not sacrifice, and the knowledge of God more than burnt offerings.

Hosea 6:6 GNV

So yes, where does this leave me? In the unknown?

No, these were very specific instructions, and they are meant for all day everyday life. It's the main part everyone of God's people are to do in daily life. No great unveiling, no great announcement, just here is how to live every day of your life.

And so I am blessed to continue living my life, my new life. The old memories are just that, old memories, blessed memories but growing more distant each day. Old memories are very necessary, yet life is not meant to be lived in the past. There is indeed a new life to live, and it can be lived without having to know the "over all plan".

Recently in family Bible reading we read how Joshua was standing over against Jericho waiting on the Lord and he saw a man standing over against him with his sword drawn. Joshua asked if he was for them (the children of Israel) or for their adversary? The man replied, Neither. He was there as the captain of the Lord's hosts. (the end of Joshua 5). It showed us that God is working His plan as He will. He and His hosts are fighting. And as I follow, as we follow Him he will be the one giving us the blessing of His victories.

Yes, occasionally we have read how God lets some know His plan, His will for their life, and on very few and very limited occasions God will let others know specifically what He wants for someone else's life, and then in that very basic, mostly guidance rather than specifics. For us even as others remember to pray for us He has His desire to know His will.

[8] Who hath also declared unto us your love in the Spirit. [9] For this cause we also, since the day we heard of it, cease not to pray for you, and to desire that ye might be fulfilled with knowledge of his will in all wisdom, and spiritual understanding, [10] That ye might walk worthy of the Lord, and please him in all things, being fruitful in all good works, and increasing in the knowledge of God, [11] Strengthened with all might through his glorious power, unto all patience, and long suffering with joyfulness, [12] Giving thanks unto the Father, which hath made us meet to be partakers of the inheritance of the Saints in light, [13] Who hath delivered us from the power of darkness, and hath translated us into the kingdom of his dear Son, [14] In whom we have redemption through his blood, that is, the forgiveness of sins, [15] Who is the image of the invisible God, the first begotten of every creature.

Colossians 1:8-15 GNV

So important it is to understand that the knowledge of God's will doesn't stand alone. We don't know how to stand, to walk if we have no legs. It is like being able to eat, but not having digestive organs and means to supply the body with that nutrition. Or even having a heart and no blood to carry the nutrition and oxygen to evey last cell of which your body is made. The will of God does not stand alone, God has so much more. Like for Joshua at Jericho the captain of the Lord's host was telling him the very basics of what they had to do. God was fighting the battle and here’s my will for you to do as He has rhe victory.

[9] And hath opened unto us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he had purposed in him, [10] That in the dispensation of the fulness of the times, he might gather together in one all things, both which are in heaven, and which are in earth, even in Christ: [11] In whom also we are chosen when we were predestinate according to the purpose of him, which worketh all things after the counsel of his own will,

Ephesians 1:9-11 GNV

God's will is not only not alone within our being, but more important it is not alone in this world. The will of God of this nature is for each and every blood bought believer each collectively in Christ.

[17] Wherefore, be ye not unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is.

Ephesians 5:17 GNV

Yes, God does have a plan of what He wants to make my life be for Him, your life be for Him. And at times for some He gives a big overall picture of what He specifically wants theirs to be. But the greater will of God for us is in the daily living our lives.

Esther was challenged with this (and this isn't the typical desire of other Jewish girls), who knows if you haven't become queen of this country for such a time as this. In that God was faithful.

Or of Joseph, indeed he followed what he knew of God's will, that of living day by day dependent upon God from the time when he was seventeen years old (Genesis 37) through those days thirteen years later, During that time all he knew was slavery and prison. Up until that time he only could wonder about those dreams he had told his brothers and his father. The best he could have hoped for was that God had some reason for having given him those dreams. And because of all that Joseph endured Joseph became ready for what we might normally might think of as the will of God for his life, that of becoming second to Pharoah. But Joseph having lived up to that time in daily dependency of God brought out God's overall will. Well, that daily dependency on God for Joseph remained. And only by doing that could he later explain to his fearful bewildered brothers that God's will was in their wickedness toward him put him in the place God wanted him, and that God meant it unto good to save many people alive. (Genesis 50). It was God who is faithful. It is God who was working His will.

Even Abram taking his wife Sarai having no clue where he was going, yet followed God not knowing where he was going. So daily he walked with God believing in a way that for us as it would be recorded as the ultimate example of belief in God. He had no other example, he had no one to tell him, "this is how following God's will is done". Yet he might have heard his father or grandfather tell of hearing from Noah's own mouth what it was to work a hundred years on an impossible dream to be ready against an improbable event on something that would last a little over a year. But for Abram he had just to go on only following what God told him to do, go to lands that God would promise every descendant through Sarai, those things that were also impossible and improbable in the sight of others. But far beyond that for Abraham being willing to put to death the very descendant, the only descendant, to offer him, his son, his only son, Isaac in a specific place (in a place where later King David would purchase to make an offering that wasn't without cost to stop the destruction of his people, and also the very place where God would sacrifice His only begotten Son for the sins of the whole world). For Abram, now Abraham would have shown his faith of 15 to 20 years earlier he then showed his works, the sacrifice of his son to God. And very vital for man to understand any of God's plan is to remember that we only see God's overall picture in reading or hearing about it long after that part has been completed. God was faithful. He proved that faith of Abraham in Him.

This then comes full circle to the work of the writer James. Much more than nearly a couple thousand years later Abraham's belief, this faith Abraham had and the works Abraham would do they would be written in the same letter (James 2) where not many paragraphs later James was writing that the right thing to do in living your daily life of buying, selling, and getting gain should be in living in such a way that your whole conversation, what your whole life tells others, what your life says is "if the Lord wills I will do this or that and get gain". (James 4) Therefore the greatest will of God is living your daily life in Him. Like Abram, Abraham, big stupid mistakes may be made, lies even told, but continually coming back to God in such a heart you are willing to give up everything God promised you because your trust in Him indeed has become daily living your life in the will of God both before and after God tells you to do something, anything. Tell the world with your life that God is faithful.

For my own life I have been moving on for sometime. No, I cannot say I have moved on, but my life no longer is bound up in needing to know God's big plan, but to live my day to day life in Him. Yes, somewhat like we see reading in Psalms there are several times the psalmists (yes, more than one) tell of their great discouragement with the Lord before the Lord unto the Lord, even one time without acknowledgement of the goodness of the Lord except that God is the God of his salvation (Heman in Psalm 88). Even those psalmists spoke of how they saw things at the time they wrote. They didn't necessarily say how God responded. Still God is faithful. Even David did not stay down. When recording Psalms 32, and in Psalms 51 he cried unto the Lord, not to show me thy will, but rather create in me a right spirit. Restore unto me the joy of my salvation. Restore unto me my day to day living in you O Lord. And so for myself the day to day living a new life is being restored.

In the last year the Lord has blessed me with a new wife, someone who even embraces the spectrum oddities in my life. And even knowing now what my first wife had to unknowingly deal with my new wife loves me fiercely like my first wife did even in knowing them. She helps me see life somewhat through other people's view of life (even though they often don't make sense to her either). I am blessed.

And the seven years of not being able to work or rarely make it to worship with other blood bought believers the Lord has now made me able to work in the workplace again. The first was two years in retail stocking shelves which was helping me get my mental focus in the business of working, and this last half a year now as a bookkeeper.

And as to my question of God regarding my "now what am I supposed to do?"

Looking back on that which I have shared earlier here:

[8] He hath shewed thee, O man, what is good, and what the Lord requireth of thee: surely to do justly, and to love mercy, and to humble thy self, to walk with thy God.

Micah 6:8 GNV

Day to day living is where the will of God is, where I live out the will of God.

[3] For this is the will of God even your sanctification, and that ye should abstain from fornication, [4] That every one of you should know, how to possesse his vessel in holines and honour,

1 Thessalonians 4:3-4 GNV

[18] In all things give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus toward you.

1 Thessalonians 5:18 GNV

[11] Dearly beloved, I beseech you, as strangers and pilgrims, abstain from fleshly lusts, which fight against the soul, [12] And have your conversation honest among the Gentiles, that they which speak evil of you as of evil doers, may by your good works which they shall see, glorify God in the day of visitation. [13] Therefore submit yourselves unto all manner ordinance of man for the Lord's sake, whether it be unto the King, as unto the superiour, [14] Or unto governours, as unto them that are sent of him, for the punishment of evil doers, and for the praise of them that do well. [15] For so is the will of God, that by well doing ye may put to silence the ignorance of the foolish men, [16] As free, and not as having the liberty for a cloak of maliciousnesse, but as the servants of God.

1 Peter 2:11-16 GNV

Sinple, yet very clear day to day living as an individual person.

[10] He that is faithful in the least, he is also faithful in much: and he that is unjust in the least, is unjust also in much.

Luke 16:10 GNV

[10] For who hath despised the day of the small things?

Zechariah 4:10a GNV

And not only as individuals, but the same is true for a group of people. As Joshua spoke to the tribe of Reuben, the tribe of Gad, and the half tribe of Manasseh:

[5] But take diligent heed, to do the commandment and Law, which Moses the servant of the Lord commanded you: that is, that ye love the Lord your God, and walk in all his ways, and keep his commandments, and cleave unto him, and serve him with all your heart and with all your soul.

Joshua 22:5 GNV

Before my new wife and I got married there was one thing we knew from a practical point of view from each having had marriages that spanned more than four decades and so we adopted as our a main verse for ourselves.

[9] The heart of man purposeth his way: but the Lord doth direct his steps. Proverbs 16:9 GNV

Or as seen otherwise:

[9] A man's heart deviseth his way: But the LORD directeth his steps.

Proverbs 16:9 KJV

Either way, we make our plans, but humbly must recognize that God is the one who regardless of our plans is directing our steps, our movement forward. Unknown, but God is faithful.