Have I Been With You So Long?

Psalm 38, Proverbs 2

Lord, I'm having a real life misery time of it. Sometimes we think that God just doesn't get it. We lay out our misery before Him just as clear as we can. Just read all of Psalm 38. It doesn't get much more clearer than that. Even so it still feels like the old thought of telling the doctor, It hurts when I do this. And all the doctor says is, Then don't do that. We think, Lord, are you even hearing me right now?

(But then comes along these verses:

For if thou callest after knowledge, and cryest for understanding: If thou seekest her as silver, and searchest for her as for treasures, Then shalt thou understand the fear of the Lord, and find the knowledge of God. For the Lord giveth wisdom, out of his mouth cometh knowledge and understanding. He preserveth the state of the righteous: he is a shield to them that walk uprightly, That they may keep the ways of judgment: and he preserveth the way of his Saints)

Proverbs 2:3-8 GNV

And in your mind you wonder about the disciples walking with Jesus daily hearing time and again His teachings. O yes, we see them written down once, but certainly a teacher repeats the lessons, His teachings each time he encounters new people eager to listen. Certainly the disciples had this all down pat. Haven't they listened to Him right there in front of them? But even on their way up to Jerusalem before the Passover they are arguing positions of sitting with Jesus as He over throws the Roman occupation. (See Acts 1 with the question about kingdom restoration.) After all, isn't that the kingdom He has been telling about. And yet as they sit to eat that Passover time with Him they are still squabbling. And so when Jesus gets them settled down and is speaking to them very seriously Philip asks Jesus to "show us the Father". Jesus responds with:

Jesus said unto him, I have been so long time with you, and hast thou not known me, Philip? he that hath seen me, hath seen my Father: how then sayest thou, Shew us thy Father?

John 14:9 GNV

We think of that written in Proverbs of calling after knowledge and crying for understanding and the greatest is right there in front of them? They have been listening, but knowledge and understanding doesn't quite seem to sink in at all.

Yes, there is a great change when the Holy Spirit comes into the disciples, but even then later Peter still makes a bad decision of eating with Gentiles and being a bad example in how he responds (Galatians 2:11-15). Even Paul himself said in his final letter to a church, an assembly of believers,

But the things that were vantage unto me, the same I counted loss for Christ's sake. Yea, doubtless I think all things but loss for the excellent knowledge sake of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have counted all things loss, and do judge them to be dung, that I might win Christ, And might be found in him, that is, not having mine own righteousness, which is of the Law, but that which is through the faith of Christ, even the righteousness which is of God through faith, That I may know him, and the virtue of his resurrection, and the fellowship of his afflictions, and be made conformable unto his death, If by any means I might attain unto the resurrection of the dead: Not as though I had already attained to it, either were already perfect: but I follow, if that I may comprehend that for whose sake also I am comprehended of Christ Jesus. Brethren, I count not my self, that I have attained to it, but one thing I do: I forget that which is behind, and endeavour my self unto that which is before, And follow hard toward the mark, for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus. Let us therefore as many as be perfect, be thus minded: and if ye be otherwise minded, God shall reveal even the same unto you.

Philippians 3:7-15 GNV

"Not as though I had already attained to it, either were already perfect:". In light of his growt through his faith in Christ Paul still doesn't see himself fully comptrehending all that his life in Christ is, not attained all that he will be, therefore he endeavours to follow hard to the mark of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus. O yes, there were great things Paul had in his life through Jesus Christ witnessed by Luke through the book of the Acts of the apostles in Christ Jesus and also Paul's letters to the assemblies and personal letters. And that is a great part of my questions. I must be reminded that the disciples walked with Jesus daily, some for three years, and still didn't act right. Peter even after being used to greatly preach on Pentecost empowered by the Holy Spirit, yet years later makes costly mistakes involving other believers, and even Paul not seeing himself as having attained or perfect it all has come back to me that in my struggle for the Lord to "get it" in my life as I read and study His Word am I getting it in my life? Has He been with me so long and yet I don't really "see Him"? Jesus did tell the disciples not much layer after He said to Phillip “have i been with you so long” that the Holy Spirit would bring to remembrance all things He had taught them. It is good to realize that isn't a one time memory dump, but rather as we have need when we have need to remember.

One of the hardest things as a grandparent helping raise two of my grandchildren is when something happens to my granddaughter, the younger of these two, is when she comes to me crying and trying to talk and cry at the same time it is almost completely impossible to understand what she is saying, with exception of her brother's name somewhat distinguishable and pointing to a place on her body and "hurts" in there somewhere. Much of the time I need her to slow down, somehow don't cry, breathe, and then speak to me in clear words. She has been in my home since birth and now at five and a half she can talk, most of the time clearly, until she is crying and in pain or frustration. And I feel like, "haven't I been with you so long" and yet she doesn't realize I need her to speak to me clearly? I above all want to understand your hurt. Can't you speak with the knowledge and understanding you have? But wait. She is speaking with the knowledge and understanding she has, and she hurts. And she doesn't understand when I need to wash a scrape, or use a knife to gently scrape over a cut that has glass in it. We cry as does the psalmist of Psalm 38, but our cry with all the emotions may not be clearly understandable. The Holy Spirit does prayour groanings which cannot be uttered. And only when Paul the aged writes his last still not feeling the completion of his life, and certainly is a man of knowledge and understanding, we can see that life is continuous growth, often not perfectly clear or something we can explain no matter how hard we try, but in the end we recognize that however long He has been with us we can still cry out and He will understand through all our crying:

Forsake me not, O Lord: be not thou far from me, my God. Haste thee to help me, O my Lord, my salvation.

Psalms

38:21-22 GNV

P.S. Then in my reading this morning before this was to post.

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭39:12‬ ‭GNV‬‬

Hear my prayer, O Lord, and harken unto my cry: keep not silence at my tears, for I am a stranger with thee, and a sojourner as all my fathers.